Monday, January 6, 2014


Personal growth might not be a tumor on your spleen, but might occur as the new gaping wound in your inner life that you've just stumbled upon.  Maybe you've had a recent personal crisis that brought your attention to it, and it might have brought you a brand-new revelation that for many years now you've been a person who, if you'd have known him outside your own self, would be someone you might keep at arms-length.

This disturbing new way of thinking will certainly come with a packet of previously-ignored information about yourself that you weren't so vividly aware of.  It might include information like:  How your mother treated you, or how your father did not treat you as a child; how you spent your youth being bullied by peers; how you found ways to not stand up and walk out in the open- where you were fair game... ad nauseum...  Perhaps your life and behavior were founded on a principle of avoidance and camouflage so subtly, maybe even brilliantly crafted, that you embraced this way of being and forged all your relationships around this premise... and so spent your life in a kind of self-deceit...

Well that's the state-of-affairs part.  The actual personal growth part has to do with what you do about it, especially if you are seeing all this new and soul-rocking scenario against what you thought your life was.

And now doesn't it almost feel as if everyone you know and care for have all been waiting to see the best of you, rather than the excuse for yourself you seem to be?  Too hard to take in all at once?  It's a true saying that the people closest to you believe in you- but really it's you who needs your better aspect to be realized, after all, and not them so much.  And yes, you have to deal with this right now or you can't move meaningfully forward in your life anymore- which is, of course, the reason it's reared its nasty head at you.

You might learn what "Stockholm Syndrome" means, or what "Borderline Personality Disorder" is.  You will most likely come to see yourself with renewed eyes, and whatever you call the process or the obstacles you have to overcome, it will be a great thing.

Now that you've come to it, well I don't have any answers for you of course.  I'm busy cutting a path for my own answers.  Which answers might provide inspiration for some, maybe, but won't address your own, just-for-you plate of personal head-and-heart tripping.  So go and get on with it, go and dig it up- it's your life.  It's going to hurt, it may render you stunned like a deer in headlights at times and might even aggravate some of your already tried-and-tired relationships that are the result of this fray of yours in the first place.  But it'll be worth it.  Just keep walking.  Seriously- there's nowhere else to go anyway.

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